For the First Time
by ProcrastinationQueen
Summary: An important discussion is finally had, followed by a big event for Adam and Joan. Take a guess what that is. ONE SHOT


A/N: Please review! This gets a little racier than anything else I've ever written. How'd I do?

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Barbara Hall/CBS, not me. #! it!

**For the First Time**

Joan walked toward Adam's house one Saturday afternoon with trepidation. The air was heavy with anticipated rain, and it matched her mood. She was about to do one of the scariest things she had ever done, one that was likely to have a huge impact on their relationship. She just wasn't sure what that impact would be. It would either be very good or very bad, but her silence on the subject was keeping them apart. She had to do this.

She reached the door of his shed just as the first raindrops began to fall, fat and heavy like tears. She smiled a little as she saw him working and deep in concentration. Jazz was playing softly in the background completing the atmosphere of the shed that usually calmed her. But she wasn't so calm today. It was time to make another dive, and she jumped.

"Adam?"

Adam looked up from his workbench to see Joan standing in the doorway. "Jane. Come in." She approached him slowly, and Adam could see that she seemed nervous or upset about something. She stood before him, uncertain, worrying her lower lip with her teeth. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"I just need to talk to you about something."

"What?" Adam was starting to get nervous himself. This didn't sound good.

"I don't really know where to start."

Adam's worry grew. This definitely didn't sound good. "You can tell me anything, Jane."

"I know. It's just, the last time I tried this it didn't go so well."

Adam just looked at her and waited for her to continue. She took his hand and led him to the couch. She sat facing him, and after taking a deep breath, finally brought her eyes to meet his.

"It's about God."

Joan started at the beginning, with the mysterious voice her bedroom that night a year and a half ago, and told Adam everything that had happened since, right up to the incident with Stevie and her mom. Adam listened in quiet awe. Both were silent for a few moments once she had finished. She hesitantly looked at him, with a bit of fear in her eyes. "Do you think I'm crazy?"

"No. I never did. A lot of stuff makes more sense now. Like some of the things you do and say.

"So, you believe me?"

"Yeah. I have for a long time. I wanted to bring it up again, but I didn't know how."

"I'm sorry I blew you off when you did. I've wanted to tell you a thousand times."

"Maybe you just weren't ready before."

"Maybe. But I've been so unfair to you."

"How?"

"You've told me your secrets, and I've kept you out of this big part of my life. I think maybe that's why I've freaked out so much about other things between us. There was already this distance because I couldn't tell you about God, and I was afraid anything more would break us. Maybe this is too much."

He took her hands in his in an attempt to reassure her. "No. It's never been easy with us, and I don't know if it will ever be. But it's worth it, don't you think?"

She looked in his eyes and found only love and acceptance in them. How could she have doubted how much he loved her?

She suddenly realized that they had reached a turning point. For the first time in their relationship, they had no secrets. For the first time, there was complete honesty and complete trust. All of the jealousy, insecurity, and defensive walls had been broken down. The change seemed almost palpable.

They came together in a soft kiss that gradually deepened. He leaned her down onto the couch and his hands began to caress her sides, but unlike that night in the camper, she didn't push him away. He pulled back to look in her eyes, to see where this was going. She looked back at him, smiled, and pulled him back down to her. "Are you sure?" he asked quietly.

She nodded. "Yeah. I really am." And she was.

"We can go inside if you want. It – " She interrupted him with a kiss. She didn't want to go inside. She wanted to be with him here, in his shed, surrounded by his beautiful art. It was here she felt closest to him. It was here she had first fallen in love with him.

While Miles Davis played on the cd player, raindrops danced softly on the roof and window panes in a steady rhythm. They slowly undressed each other, both marveling at what was happening and each other. She sighed as his hands, his amazing, beautiful hands, slid over her body, infusing her with warmth wherever they touched. He didn't rush, despite his eagerness. She was more beautiful than he'd ever imagined, and he wanted to savor each new discovery of her.

He bent down and kissed the inside of her thigh, slowly inching upwards, and she began to feel a hint of apprehension. "Adam, n- oh God," she groaned as his lips and tongue reached their destination. A delicious warm feeling started deep in her belly and spread throughout her body. Why in the hell hadn't they done this before? She was incapable of speech, and soon, of rational thought. She was spinning, flying, and falling all at once. She thought she may have called out his name when she came, but she couldn't be certain one way or the other.

When she opened her eyes, he was watching her with a soft smile on his face. She returned it, and ran a hand through his hair. It was all the movement she was capable of. He began to move up her body, kissing a path, and her eyes slid shut once again as she felt his strong and gentle hands caressing what seemed like every inch of her. It always surprised her how he touched her. So reverently, like he thought she was a work of art. His lips skimmed her jaw and neck before softly kissing her ear. "Jane", he whispered, "I love you." He raised his head to look at her, the silent question in his eyes, giving her the opportunity to change her mind. Just a few short weeks ago she had been terrified of this, but not now. "I love you, too", she replied before claiming his mouth in a thorough kiss. Her breath caught a little as he entered her carefully, but she kept kissing him. She thought she might go into sensory overload with the feeling of his mouth and skin on hers and the sensation of him slowly filling her.

As he began to move, he took her face in his hands so that she would look at him. She gasped as she looked into his eyes. The intensity of his gaze, and the feeling behind it, took her breath away. She wondered again why she had ever doubted how much he loved her. She wondered again why they had waited to do this even though she knew the reason why. Now that she had told him about God, all the barriers between them had been broken. Now they could truly connect. She held his gaze with her own as she allowed herself to be swept away by emotion and sensation and felt herself spiraling toward the heavens once again.

After, the two of them lay entwined in the quiet shed, the cd player long since silent. It was still raining, she noted absently. Not that she was planning on going anywhere. Her head rested on his chest, and she listened to the steady, strong beat of his heart as she lay wrapped in a blanket and his arms. His fingertips trailed lazily up and down her spine, and she snuggled closer to him, contented. She felt warm, safe, happy, and loved. For once, all the confusion and uncertainty in her life had faded away. She knew the "real world" lay outside the shed's door, but she would worry about that later. For now she would enjoy this. She leaned up to kiss him once more and smiled at him, unable to find the words to tell him how she felt at that moment. She settled her head on his shoulder, and a small smile remained on her lips as she drifted off to sleep listening to the music of the falling rain.


End file.
